The First Call

I was down in Malibu, CA at The Biggest Loser Resort for work back in December when I received a call from a friend who I had recently met.

She warned me that what she wanted to ask me was out of the blue and kind of personal, and apologized for being so bold, then asked me if Jason and I had considered adoption. My heart started pounding and I told her we had just signed up for our first orientation. She told me that her cousin was 7 months pregnant and came to her house in tears telling her that she was considering placing her baby girl for adoption. This friend of mine, who I had honestly only met once but we connected well, thought of us and told her cousin that she'd call us to see how we felt about it.

It was strange how excited I got about the prospect. It seemed that the feelings that I initially felt toward adoption changed in the exact instant that it became a true possibility. My friend told me that her cousin would call in the next few days. I spent the next few days thinking of little else besides this baby. Didn't I want a break from trying to have a baby? Didn't my heart need time to heal? That went right out the window and I started doing what I always and can't help but do, and that was hope.

She never called. I prayed and prayed that she would but she never did. My friend was the messenger and would update us of her cousin's latest feelings on the situation. She was wishy washy but at one point she had firmly decided on placing her with us and was not going to go back on her decision. In the end she backed out and I found myself hurting and in tears again. I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, but it turns out that I don't have much control in that area. But what I took from this experience was that I was elated at the idea of adopting a baby. The whole experience truly did change my heart and I knew that I would love a baby the same whether it came from me or from someone else.

I decided it really was time for an emotional break before getting back on the horse. I gave myself six months and then committed that I would go through IVF one more time with our one remaining frozen embryo.We would also go to our adoption orientation and get started down that path because I understood that the average time to actually get chosen to adopt is 2-3 years.

In the meantime I signed up for my first half marathon to give me something to train for and focus on. During this "break" I wanted to prepare my body and heart for a baby. But apparently if I really wanted to take a break I should have shut my phone off completely. Two weeks later, on January 19th, I got another phone call. My mind and heart had already changed. This call changed my life!