Wednesday, July 25, 2012

His Heart Won

First of all, I apologize for my hiatus. We had a death in the family that took me away for awhile, followed by some traveling to visit my family, but I am back! Now on with the story.

When Bailey met us she wasn't planning on inviting us to the big 20 week ultrasound to find out what she was having, and she surprised herself when she blurted out the invitation before we said goodbye. As excited as I was to go to the ultrasound, I loved even more that she was willing to involve us. It made it feel more real and gave us a lot of hope.

On February 10th we drove down to Las Vegas and met Bailey at her work to take her over to her appointment. I couldn't believe the amount of love that I felt for someone that I had only met once before, and when I hugged her I didn't want to let go! She introduced us to one of her coworkers and said, "these are the adoptive parents." I'll never forget what that felt like to hear her say that.

We ended up waiting forever at the doctors office, which gave us more time to talk. Bailey and I were talking about what it felt like for her to be pregnant and she said, "I just don't know how anyone could ever go through this and not believe that there is a God." This baby was changing her life and her perspective, and it was beautiful to see.

Bailey, her parents, Jason and I finally went into the ultrasound room where we would see the baby. I have had countless ultrasounds before but never had I seen a baby come up on the screen. Mine have always been coupled with sad news and heartache and this was the first ultrasound that was the complete opposite. There it was! A perfect little growing baby showing of its profound features in a profile view. My heart swelled looking at this figure and tears fell out when I heard the heartbeat. I don't think there is a more comforting sound in the whole world. Then the big news came and it was exactly what we all felt it would be. Our first child was going to be a GIRL! I couldn't stop smiling.

Jason loves science and anatomy and was more interested in how things inside were working and growing. He kept asking the tech questions like, "so is that the blah blah blah that is connected right there to the blah blah and making the blah blah blah?" It seemed like he was more interested in that than the fact that this growing creature was going to be our daughter. I wondered what he was thinking and if he was feeling anything besides interest in her physiology. Then with one little movement it all turned around. She opened her mouth to swallow and I heard a little gasp come out of Jason. I looked over at his face and it was the most love-struck look I had ever seen. This is what he wrote that night in his journal: "It was cool to hear the ultrasound tech explain what she was seeing, but it all changed once I saw that beautiful little girl open her mouth to drink. It looked like she was yawning, which made it even cuter. In that instant, I felt a connection to that sweet angel and wanted to protect and love her. Life changed for me in that moment."

Jason has wanted to be a dad from the time we got married and it has been so hard on me that I couldn't give that to him, but Bailey can, and I have never felt more gratitude in all my life. She made a choice that could seem so wrong at first, but look at what it is doing to our lives! She is blessing us with a child, and in the meantime this little baby girl is helping her to grow and change into an even greater indivual.

Here's a tangent that will make this post even longer but I want to write it down. Through our IVF process we had 5 embryos that survived. With the genetic testing we learned that 4 of them were boys and 1 was a girl. We didn't want to choose the sex of our baby, we didn't care about that, so we just asked them to put in the two most likely to survive and they put in two boys. When that failed and we did it again they put in the next two boys, which also failed. We were left with one frozen embryo, a girl, and wonderful Dr. Littman was willing to try again with her but I just couldn't do it yet. That's around the time that Bailey got pregnant and I just can't help but feel like this strong, little spirit was waiting up there in heaven and said, "if you aren't going to put me in now then I am finding another way to get to you because I'm coming!" And she had to come through someone who was strong and selfless and loving enough to put her baby's needs before her own. That's why it had to be Bailey.

Although I decided to take a break from IVF, Dr. Littman was still eager to help in whatever way she could and suggested we test my uterine lining to see if there was something there causing the failed attempts. I was excited to do this test to see if we could solve the problem. The test had to be done exactly 7 days after I ovulated, which we know I don't do well on my own. So she perscribed a low dose of clomid to help me ovulate and I used a 7 day ovulation test so I knew exactly when it happened. Those tests are hard to read!! I couldn't tell if I actually ovulated or not and because the test on my lining was going to be expensive, which Dr. Littman was sensitive to, she suggested we go one more menstrual cycle and check for ovulation again to make sure we have the timing just right.

I was to call her on the first day of my period so she could order another dose of clomid and we could try again. I am usually irregular so for a long time to pass in between cycles is normal for me, but I was told that I would typically start within two weeks after taking clomid. Two weeks came and went, then three, then four. My period wasn't coming and I didn't know why. Wait..... no, there's no way.  


  1. I could read your story for hours! I can feel what it must've been like just reading your blog! Every feeling, emotion, excitement. Love it Sarah! I just love yours and Jason's heart! :-)

  2. You shouldn't always stop! How exciting. Does Jason always write in a journal? No fair! When is you due date for the new baby?

  3. I love love love reading these! Thanks for sharing Sarah! You are amazing and your story is incredible.

  4. I'm loving this. I know you're busy with a new newborn and growing another one and all, but I'm dying for the next piece of the story! You guys are great :)

  5. Can't wait to hear more! I'm really enjoying your story!